


Not My Own

by SombraRoja (sombraroja)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: Into Darkness - Fandom, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Emotional Constipation, M/M, T'cry'la, T'hy'la, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-04
Updated: 2013-09-04
Packaged: 2017-12-25 15:30:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/954763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sombraroja/pseuds/SombraRoja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Spock faces the consequences of his vengeful rage against Khan and newfound feelings for the captain, another obstacle arises. Jim Kirk is treated with a serum and lives to see the light of day, but has lost all of his memories as captain of the Enterprise.</p><p>  <i> Spock was interrupted mid-sentence when the frail man on the bed whispered, “T’hy’la.”</i></p><p>  <i>Jim still felt an unsettling emptiness. But with the single utterance of the foreign phrase, a rush of emotions came over him; loyalty, longing, and love. He didn’t even remember his own name, let alone this man’s, but he knew one thing with certainty. He would do anything for him, give up anything for him, die for him. They belonged to each other, and that was the only thing that mattered. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Not My Own

The monitors on the wall constantly changed colors in the dim light, keeping track of the vital signals coming from Jim Kirk’s motionless body. His skin faded to a deathly pallor during the two weeks he was kept in an induced coma. It had been decided that only a limited amount of people were allowed to know of Jim’s condition.

The Captain’s momentary death and questionable revival was kept under wraps by Enterprise Command. The knowledge of Khan and his crew of genetically superior beings with extraordinary mental capabilities and magic miracle blood getting into the wrong hands was too dangerous a risk. They did not want a repeat of the power-hungry Admiral Marcus who was willing to kill his people and risk the fury of Khan in order to appease his thirst for war.

\------

When Spock finally overpowered Khan, all he could feel was the bitter satisfaction of finally avenging Jim’s death. His rage muddled mind was focused on pummeling the man to death.

The only thing replaying in his mind's eye was the image of his friend, weak and hurting, through the glass chamber. Just as he had done with Pike, he pushed his telepathy through the glass and joined with the Captain's mind in his last moments. Although Jim had said that he felt fear, Spock could also see the satisfaction coursing through the man’s spirit. Even as he faced death, Jim was ultimately content with knowing that he successfully saved the Enterprise, the people he most cared about in the world. Still, Spock’s head ached from the loss of his connection with Jim. The short lived bond was strong and rooted deep into Spock’s mind.

The two of them were more alike than Spock had first believed. Why had he not realized it sooner? Kirk had been upset over Spock willingness to sacrifice his life for the Prime Directive, not his willingness to sacrifice his life for the people of Nibiru. Jim would have probably done the same thing, seeing as he blindly jumped into the radioactive chamber to realign the warp-core and save the Enterprise.

Uhura stood close-by, watching Spock in his unadulterated rage. After the destruction of Vulcan, T’Pring -- Spock’s intended, rejected the bond in order to create a family with her lover, Stonn. It was logical for Uhura to take her place as Spock’s mate. She tried reaching out to the Vulcan through their mental connection, but nothing got through. Instead, she was bombarded with his pain, anger, and agony over Jim’s death. Her thin connection was nothing compared to the bond he held with the Captain.

Pushing her confusion aside, Uhura screamed both physically and mentally at Spock to get his attention. _“Spock! He’s our only chance to save Kirk.”_ It was as if someone instantly switched Spock’s anger off. The possibility that Jim could somehow be saved doused all traces of his vengeful anger.

An unsettling silence came over his mind after Uhura stopped him from beating Khan to death. It took Spock 4 days to notice the missing link.

  
\------

  
Uhura felt the gentle searching tingle in the back of her mind and sent a cautious reply through the thin link. In moments a knock was heard through her quarters. Sure enough, Spock walked past the threshold once she allowed entry. With one eyebrow raised in confusion, the Vulcan started.

"It has come to my attention that the preliminary bond we formed in New Vulcan has significantly decreased in strength since the capture of Khan. It seems as though you were purposely blocking the connection. I postulated the likelihood of that being true at 73.87% considering our last argument over my risking my life for the Prime Directive. Am I correct Nyota?"

With the chaos following Pike's death, had Spock failed to notice the signs of a crumbling relationship? He had categorized Uhura's reaction to endangering his life in order to save the Nibirians as a temporary slight -- not a deciding factor in the relationship. What other reasons could she possibly have for rejecting the bond?

She shook her head, trying to hide her frustration and anger. "Spock. Four days. It took you four days to realize that I had severed our bond.”

Her statement was met with silence.

Raising her hands in question, she continued, “How long, Spock? Couldn’t you have, at the least, told me that you were no longer interested in a relationship instead of making me look like an idiot these past few weeks. I expected more respect, from both of you.”

"I am afraid that there has been a misunderstanding. I have not pursued relations with anyone else, Nyota. I thought it was a mutual understanding that this was to be a monogamous relationship. There is no one else ."

“Oh my god. You can’t be serious. Here I thought something had been going on behind my back, but you’re still clueless.”

“Please, Uhura, explain yourself for I am confounded. What... who are you talking about?”

She moved closer to the man, giving him a warm embrace. She whispered, “Spock, I'll always love you, but I can't stay with you knowing that you belong to someone else. I know that waiting for his recovery will be difficult, and I honestly hope that everything works out. If you need anyone to talk to, I’ll still be here."

After lightly pecking him on the lips, she walked out of her quarters leaving the Vulcan to his thoughts.

\------

He struggled to open his eyes.

“Jim, you’re being pulled out of an induced coma. Dizziness and nausea are some common side-effects so stay still damn it.” McCoy pushed Jim’s flailing form back down.

His face frantically moved from side to side. He was trying to dispel the ghost remnants of an unbearable heat burning him from the inside out.

“Don’t be so melodramatic.” Bones snapped his fingers to bring Jim out of his reverie.

The doctor continued, “You were barely dead. You were out cold for two weeks as the transfusion took its toll. Your cells were heavily radiated, we had no choice.”

So many blinding white lights. He felt the uncomfortable bed and white sheets that surrounded him. Everything was so familiar yet so far away.

“Doctor, are you certain that the captain has reached the proper levels of recuperation to be taken out of --” The rest of the words coming out of the man’s mouth faded away as Jim’s thoughts singled out on the mere sound of his voice. Spock was interrupted mid-sentence when the frail man on the bed whispered, “T’hy’la.”

Jim still felt an unsettling emptiness. But with the single utterance of the foreign phrase, a rush of emotions came over him -- loyalty, longing, and love. He didn’t even remember his own name, let alone this man’s -- but he knew one thing with certainty. He would do anything for him, give up anything for him, die for him. They belonged to each other, and that was the only thing that mattered.

He ripped out the med patches that kept track of his vitals, attempting to dismount the bed. He was unaccustomed to walking, his body weak from disuse, and toppled over as his knees buckled. Bones and Spock rushed to support him. “I told you to settle down! I didn’t spend the last two weeks closely monitoring your recuperation just to have you screw it all up ... Jim! Are you even listening?”

Spock was visibly shocked and bewildered. Jim looked the Vulcan straight in the eye, his gaze unwavering and curious. Spock could not remove the hand he had used to support the man when he lost his balance. Jim unintentionally triggered the man’s sensitive touch telepathy - involuntarily melding the two minds. Instead of getting a sensory overload of Jim’s memories, it was as if Spock had been sucked into a void, a cold dark emptiness.

_Distress._

Instead of trying to hold back and fight the meld, the Vulcan intensified the bond. He searched each and every corner of Jim’s mental synapses, jumping from one connection to another.

_Nothing._

There were no traces of the man he had lost, the friend he had sought out to avenge.

He was about to pull out from the bond when he finally registered a handful of seemingly indistinguishable phantom memories. An icy terrain. Unending whiteness of snow and fog. The warmth of a bonfire. The touch of old weathered hands. A flash of pain and guilt at the sight of Vulcan’s destruction. And above all else, a persistent whisper that beckoned him to sink deeper and deeper into the bond.

_Friend. Brother. Lover. T’hy’la. Friend. Brother. Lover. T’hy’la. T’hy’la. T’hy---_

He was unceremoniously pulled from the meld and found himself back in his own body. McCoy had a dispensed tranquilizer hypo in his hand . His face had an expression that asked, “Do I even want to know?”

“Doctor, it seems that although the Captain has regained optimum health, we are faced with certain complications that could prove--”

“Spock, spare me the semantics and cut to the chase...”

“As I melded with the captain, I noticed a lack of ... substantial identity. The Captain could possibly be suffering from post traumatic amnesia, an uncommon side effect of induced comas.”

“My God. I knew raising him from the dead with that stinking magic-blood was too good to be true. So you’re telling me the kid’s an empty husk? And what was that gibberish he was saying earlier ,‘Ta Hee Lah’ or something...,” he trailed off swiping his medical scanner across Jim’s forehead.

“You don’t think that Khan messed with his mind or something do you?”

“Khan was heavily sedated after we detained him, and it is highly unlikely that he knew we would be using his blood to create a serum for the captain. His revival is unprecedented. As for Jim’s memory, I simply do not know how to go about regaining his memories. As it is, amnesia is already a precarious subject-- memory restoration is unpredictable and unlikely.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first post on AO3 XD ... I'm a slow writer, so stay on the lookout for updates in the near future... 
> 
> Feel free to message me with any grammar mistakes/typos you spot, or even any ideas on the direction you think the story should take. 
> 
> Here's a small shout-out to my beta, Christine. Thanks for all the help and support aha.


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